after a date i feel so lonely again, i had this date with a new friend who i meet in facebook, he just leave a message and asking for a friendship, but in reality he is just telling hey, i want to court you and be my girlfriend, i expected it from the start, lets be realistic all guys who wants to add up you in website like facebook is expecting that you can be his special someone someday.
so i tried to meet him up after a few days of communicating with him. Before the day we will finally meet, i saw his pic in his account and formulated a picture of him in my mind, then when i finally saw him in person, i just got disappointed, bad though he’s not the one I’m expecting to appear in front of me. But i do give some respect in return, i didn’t snob him after seeing him, we still go watch a movie. And after watching movie we separated and i go home alone. Then after that i decided not to text him, and not expecting that he will not text me too, i felt okay so i will not do any actions or explanation why i didn’t text him again after the meet up.
But after that day i feel lonely again, suddenly the past relationship i had flash back, specially all the questions that had been hanging here in my head all this time. all the question that will set me free from the memories of him, all the questions that will give me peace of mind why he choose to do that to me, why suddenly ignored me, why suddenly he just decided not to communicate with me, and thinking if I’ve done wrong for him to come up with such actions.
i know it is such a pity action to still think of me specially by thinking that he really hurt me a lot, for me i just wanted to have closure, i will not beg him to come with me again, to have a relationship with me again, all i want is to know what really happen, to know what came up with his mind to do like that to me.
with so much loneliness yesterday i decided to go to church and pray hard inside the house of god, praying and asking him to give me more strength to move on in dealing with my love life. Love in life was so much devastating and full of pains, from the start up to the this time. literally now, I’m so tired of getting into a relationship, giving chances to those who is showing love for me, because I’m afraid of another heartache, and realizing that he is still not the one for me.
why all of my relationship didn’t succeed???? who have faults??? me or the guys who i love????
